Johnny from VixenCreations is a thick and meaty lifelike dildo.  This much needed addition to my collection of sweet little sex toys stands big and proud with a veiny shaft, pronounced head and hefty textured balls.  An incredibly realistic cock, not one detail was spared right down to the wrinkled upper shaft.

Basic Info :

Material: Silicone.  Vixen also makes Johnny in their skin-like material VixSkin.  This version is firmer, but still body safe all the way.  This one is also a little more wallet friendly.

Length: 7 inches.  It’s not the longest dildo I own.  It’s the girth that makes it the whopper that it is.

Width: 1 13/16 inches.

Color: It only seemed right to choose black for this dildo, but it does come in vanilla, chocolate, caramel and purple.

Johnny took some warming up with a couple of smaller dildos and a whole lot of lube.  At first I was worried that my eyes were bigger than my vagina with this one.  With pretty much zero flexibility or give, you definitely have to work your way up.  Getting past the fat head was a bit of a chore both on entry and exit.  The helmet brim really juts out and creates a ledge effect (the picture doesn’t do this justice). Patience was key in avoiding any discomfort; once I was past this point all was divine.  The slight curve aided in a little g-spot stimulation, but the fulfilled sensation was what made the experience so fantastic.  Johnny gives you that full feeling with very little thrusting required. It’s basically awesome.

Orgasm?  With all of the warming up and magnificent size, it was impossible not to have a seriously intense orgasm.

Johnny is harness compatible.  I didn’t get to test its strap-on-ability because I don’t have an O-ring big enough to accommodate it.  I can’t say if it is good or bad in that department, but I imagine it would look pretty great strapped on.  There would be no question about who was in charge!

I am a fan of Johnny.  It isn’t my dildo of choice for regular use, but I’m glad I have it ready and waiting for those times I’m looking for that filled sensation.  If you prefer small toys, this is not for you.  If you like a more flexible cock, you should definitely go with the VixSkin.  If you are a size queen or just looking for a bit of a challenge, this is the toy for you!

If you’ve never used anything of this size, know that you’ll have to work your way up.  Embrace it and enjoy the journey.  I know I did.

I have noticed an increase in negativity these days.  Maybe it’s that I have stopped letting every little thing bother me, so it has amplified the voices of the negative nancies.  I’m not going to get all yoga instructor or anything here.   I have my cynical days and consider my smart ass comments to be quite charming.  But, do you really have to complain all day long?  Do you hate everything?  Is there anything in this world that you like?  Even just a little bit?

To this I say, have a dildo and a smile and shut the fuck up.  It’s a bit cliched and I stole that line from somewhere (I can’t even remember where), but it’s really quite fitting.  You either need to get laid or purchase something that will help you relieve a little stress, or whatever it is that causes you to be so pissed all of the time.  I know an orgasm always helps me to be just a little less bitch-tastic.

If you are someone who complains everyday, do everyone a favor and rub one out.  You’ll feel a lot better.  Trust me.  Really at this point anything would do, but we might as well get it done right.  I’m going to recommend The Outlaw by Vixen Creations.  It is made from body friendly silicone, has 9 inches of insertable length and enough balls to handle any cunt.  Take that as you will.

“The largest dildo from Vixen Creations, the Outlaw offers incredible length and girth in their signature super-realistic vixskin textured silicone.

Type: Textured life like dildo
Length: 9 1/2 inches
Insertable Length: 9 inches Circumference: 6 1/2 inches
Special Features: Boilable, Large Size, Vixskin Textured.”

In Arizona it is against the law to have more than 2 dildos in 1 house.

What? Does someone police this? Does keeping a few spare dildos in the shed out back count?

If you live in AZ and you’re a good law abiding citizen, I hope you love your two precious dildos. What I really hope is that you’re into breaking the law and have a house full of paraphernalia. Perhaps even a closet stuffed so full of dongs that they come spilling out when you open the door, burying you under a mountain of fake penises.

If you are one of the rule followers, let me tempt you to break the law with this sparkling silicone dildo. Literally, it sparkles.

“Updated by popular request… Yes, The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss this silicone dildo in the fridge for that authentic experience.

Who doesn’t love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That’s what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won’t be the only thing coming for you in the night.

The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire’s design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the moon’s soft glow. Since it’s a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus’ own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don’t be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling out to you in the night. But don’t save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch it sparkle.”

Length: 6.75 inches
Width: 1.55 inches
Circumference: 4.8 inches

If you are an honorable Arizonian and really want to make this the third dildo in your collection, I’m sure you have a friend who will keep it nice and safe for you at their house. Only share if you have sterilized it by means of boiling or 10% bleach solution. Remember, you can do that with silicone toys.

We are all special and unique snowflakes and have different needs.  Some prefer short and thin, some prefer tuna can shaped, some prefer medium sized.  Some, well some like em’ big and bad ass from every angle possible.  Let’s just say the Tantus Hoss is the Papa Bear sized dildo.

“Size Queens rejoice! Hoss is the biggest silicone cock Tantus makes and is perfect for those of you looking to ride a big old stallion until you scream! The impressive girth and long shaft are sure to be enough to fulfill even the greediest people out there – so put on your spurs and give ‘er a go!

Hoss is made from 100% premium silicone and with 11 insertable inches and a circumference of 8.5 inches – this is one of the most impressive body safe dongs around. This big cock is realistically shaped with a distinct head, carved frenulum and teasing veins and folds. The big balls give you something to grind against as this big dong fills you completely.

Length: 13 inches

Insertable: 11 inches

Circumference: 8.5 inches

Diameter: 2.7 inches

Base diameter: 5 inches”

This isn’t Goldie Locks’ cock.  You can get one here, but make sure you have what it takes to handle this no bs bundle of big.