Nervous?  Feeling Awkward? 

Understandable, but totally unnecessary.  Remind yourself that you are performing for no one.  You get to play in your very own playground with no one waiting for their turn on the spiral slide.  Relax a bit.  Romance yourself.  As I have said before: do what turns YOU on, not just what you read about in a magazine while standing in line at a grocery store.  Whether it is candles and wine or punk rock and porn, make it happen.  One thing that is more important than you probably realize, make sure your house or apartment is at the perfect temperature for you. 

For any sexual endeavor, solo or shared, it is always a good idea to have plenty of lube on hand.  This isn’t the time for a lube lecture, but here are the basics:

Water Based – Safe to use with any toys.  It does need to be reapplied more frequently than silicone based. 

Silicone Based – Not safe to use with silicone toys.  Best to use during toy free play.  Great for use in the water.

For both lube types ALWAYS choose lubricants that are free of glycerin, parabens and sugar.  These ingredients may cause infections.

Where do you start?  Here are a few ideas:

Fantasize: Once your physical surroundings are to your liking, use your solo time to explore your fantasies.  You can draw on past experience or allow your mind to go where it has never gone before.  Nothing is there to hold you back from enjoying a romantic romp on a bed of rose petals or from becoming the dominatrix you always wanted to be.  Fantasy encourages sexual growth.  Stimulate your mind, not just your naughty bits.  The two are related.

Porn: If you prefer visual stimulation, there is nothing wrong with watching some adult entertainment.    Make yourself nice and comfy on the couch or in your bed.  Keep the lube and the remote close at hand.  If you find it isn’t really what gets you all hot and bothered you can always turn it off, although you’ll probably put your favorite scene on repeat.

Manual stimulation.  Get to know your clitoris, but don’t suffocate your clitoris.  Start with your inner thighs and move on to your labia majora and labia minora.  While you should have already applied a bit of lube, stimulating these areas will encourage your body to produce natural lubrication.  This will make direct stimulation of your clitoris far more enjoyable than without.  Direct stimulation of the clitoris before lubrication is present will most likely be annoying and for some even painful.  Eventually make your way to the little love button and enjoy the ride.  Experiment with different levels of pressure, movement and directions.  Don’t feel the need to simulate intercourse and don’t forget to include your nipples in on the fun!

Vibrator: While it is a good idea to get to know yourself with your hands, many women find they enjoy vibrator use in addition to or more so than manual stimulation.  Eggs and bullets are a great way to dip your toes into the Olympic pool sized world of solo play and toys!  There are no chickens or guns involved so don’t worry.  Egg and bullet vibrators are easy to operate, satisfying, affordable and nonthreatening.  The award winning RO-80MM Bullet by Rocks Off is a quality product that is perfect for beginners, but loved by veteran mistresses of masturbatory acts.  Also, Toygasms is a great guide for sex toy newbies!

Bathtub: This is a fabulous place for girlies to masturbate whether it’s their very first time or they have been doing it for years.  The warm bath is relaxing and you have built in sex toys at your disposal.  Now of course I am an advocate of using a wide array of products that can be purchased through my place of employment.  However, flowing streams of water have been known to get the job done. 

Faucet:  The steady flow of rushing water can be incredibly stimulating.  This mini waterfall may send you plunging into an orgasmic river, but there are a couple of downsides.  You may end up in an uncomfortable position and the water level may end up too low (if you allow the water to drain) or too high (if you don’t allow the water to drain) which may lead to either freezing temperatures or drowning.  Don’t be discouraged; you should still give this a whirl.  You just might find the perfect balance!

Detachable Shower Head: Sure these things make getting clean a little easier, but we all know what they are really for.  Yep.  Even the low end types offer a variety of shower pressure and pulsation patterns so you can use as much or as little pressure as your heart desires.  Plus, no one has to know what’s really going on; just sneak away and take a long hot shower to ease your sore muscles.  A little hint: purchase one with a long hose so you can use it while soaking in the bath, and not just standing up. 

Also, bring a waterproof vibe with you!  The RO-80MM is waterproof, but there are tons other vibes that are fun for self lovin’ in the water.  Make sure the vibe is 100% waterproof before you submerge it in the water.  *Splashproof works in the shower, but not under water!* 

Ladies, these are but a few suggestions on how to get started when getting off on your own.  Use these ideas as a home base and find your own methods and means of masturbation.  Don’t pressure yourself to reach orgasm the way someone else told you to.  Find your rhythm and simply enjoy.

Before I could stop myself from making them feel incredibly self conscious about something that I am quite comfy with, all I could say was, “WHY”?  My question was answered with timid gestures and a general consensus of, “because I don’t have to”.  Translation: I have a significant other.  To which I replied, “so, that’s not the point.  Masturbation doesn’t take the place of intercourse”.

Hitachi: Quintessential Masturbation Tool

As the conversation continued I calmed down and hopped of my soap box.  Everyone comes from different backgrounds and sexual experiences, and there is nothing wrong it.  But, it is up to me to encourage masturbation, even if they are getting laid on the regular.  I realized that since I myself knew a couple of awesome, down to earth chicks who weren’t familiar with the stirring of the honey pot, there are probably tons of female masturbation virgins roaming the earth and surfing the web.  Don’t get me wrong, I like partnered sex.  No, I love partnered sex.  But, I enjoy a good solo session from time to time and so should you!

Through time, masturbation has been thought of as taboo, dirty and even something to be ashamed of.  Depending on the time and place, the degree of severity varies.  Some even suggest that masturbation is something you “grow out of”.  There are ridiculous myths surrounding the act of jackin’ or jillin’ off. I have never met anyone who had a sudden burst of acne or who grew hair on their palms after a nice self induced orgasm.  Oh yeah, I once heard it was okay for guys to masturbate, but not girls.  Well I am claiming myself as the authority on all of these statements and guess what, they are all LIES!

Why masturbate?

Yes, it does feel awesome.  This is especially true once you really get to know yourself.  You know what you like, you know where to go, what to do and what it takes to enjoy a long drawn out self tease or how to get it done when you are in a hurry.  But, feelin’ good isn’t the only reason to handle your business.

Nothing wrong with fast and cheap.

Masturbation also relieves stress.  You get to focus on yourself and your needs alone.  Oxytocin is released and that fuzzy feeling of calm washes over you once orgasm is achieved.  With this being said, solo play can also act as a sleep aid.  If you are tossing and turning, you may want to consider letting go of your troubles with a little self love.  During orgasm you release tons of endorphins; shortly after, falling asleep is super easy.

Masturbation can also improve your partnered sex life.  Exploring your own body and discovering what sends you into orgasmic bliss will help you communicate your needs to your partner in a clear and confident way.  Your honey bunny will more than likely be happy to do what makes you feel good.  Even using a vibrator on your own time can help improve your sexual satisfaction. 

According to WebMD, “Those who used a vibrator, she [Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH] found, even if it had been a year since the use, “had better sexual functioning in terms of vaginal lubrication, desire, arousal and ease of orgasm, and they tended to have less pain or discomfort during intercourse.”

But “it may be that those who don’t find sex painful tend to use a vibrator,” she says.”

The latter part of that quote may be true, but it is definitely a story that deserves some time - another time.  However, if using a bit of buzz can take you where you need to be both when alone and during hanky panky time, why not use one?  Knowing your body and what makes you moan can only help you grow as a sexual being and get more enjoyment out of all sexual endeavors.

WebMD also goes on to state that many women claim that masturbation helps relieve menstrual cramps as well.  I don’t know about you, but I am a fan of anything that makes that time of the month a little less like living in hell.

Whether you are single or in a relationship, masturbation is a healthy enterprise that should be explored.  If you are unattached there is no reason to go unsatisfied.  All of that tension will lead to unnecessary stress.  Knowing what you like, and don’t like, will make you a better lover.  Like Sara says, knowledge is power and power is sexy.

Now you know why you should masturbate.  Come back next week for a few helpful tips on how to get started.  If you can’t wait that long - happy experimenting!