Burlesque has been bumping and grinding it’s way into the main stream for quite some time now.  What started as an underground resurgence now has a defined presence in pop culture.  Just about everywhere you go, unless you live in the sticks,  you can see the markings of the neo burly-q age.  From highway billboard pin-up girls to music video so and so’s performing the quintessential striptease in a martini glass, it’s everywhere.  Naturally, fashion is included  in “everywhere”.  Hell, you can buy corsets and garter belts at any teeny bopper store in the mall.

Pop star Christina Aguilera is STARRING in an upcoming movie called Burlesque.  There’s no denying it, the burly-q is here and if you haven’t heard, well that’s an awfully nice rock you’ve been living under.

Enough of my rant.  To prove my point, here is the spokes model for Perrier, the lovely Dita Von Teese.  If this isn’t enough Dita-Von Sparkling Water for you, go ahead and pick up a limited edition bottle or can of Perrier with her face on it.  Yes, I’m serious.  Google it.

Want to practically apply the art of the striptease to your life? Check out the Housewife’s Guide to the Practical Striptease.

I must see this!

What a weekend!  Despite having that lovely little flu bug that has been going around, and by flu bug I mean the sickness that makes you want to sleep for 19 hours straight, I had multiple burly-q shows that went better than I could have dreamed.  El Vez, the Mexican Elvis and one of the best entertainers of our time, joined us for a weekend of laughs, tassel twirling and feather fluffing.  During the main event, we received three standing ovations from a screaming crowd that was ready to bum rush the stage at any moment.  A performer couldn’t ask for a better ego boost.  It was absolutely fabulous!

Thigh High Fishnet Stockings

During almost every second of the weekend I was wearing some type of hosiery; stockings, fishnets, pantyhose, you name it.  If it is sexy and it covers your legs, at some point I was wearing it.  Today, my legs are happy to be stocking free, but it did get me thinking.  Does everyone know how to properly take care of their hosiery?  Pantyhose and the like are delicate items that can easily be destroyed by the tiniest snag or tossing them in the washing machine.  Through some research and throughout the years I learned a thing or two about how to make my hosiery last.  I don’t like to spend the money on new tights every time I perform; and you shouldn’t spend the money every time you want to have neat yet naughty looking legs.

Follow these hosiery care tips and get a long life out of all of your leg coverings.

Hosiery Care

Taking care of your stockings and pantyhose will help you get the longest life out of them.  They are delicate items, but with special handling they can remain in high quality condition.

Handling

1. Avoid snags and runs by removing all jewelry when putting on your pantyhose and stockings. 
2. Shave your legs and apply lotion.  File any broken finger nails or toe nails.  Use hand and foot cream to smooth away rough dead skin that might get caught on the material.  Some women even go so far as to wear special hosiery gloves.  Cotton or rubber gloves will do just fine for this.
3. When putting on stockings and pantyhose, sit on the edge of a chair or bed so you don’t have to balance on one leg.
4. It’s time to put on your sexy leg coverings:

Stockings (two piece leg coverings): Fold the top section “out” – 1 or 2 inches.  Roll each stocking down into an “O” shape.  Start at the welt and stop at the ankle area. 

Put on each stocking one at a time.  Hold the stocking with both hands; thumbs on the inside and fingers on the outside.  Point your toe and bend your knee.  Place your foot inside and unroll the stocking as you ever so gently pull the stocking up your leg.  This will ensure the proper snug fit and keep further adjustments at a minimum.

Pantyhose (one piece leg coverings): Gather one leg at a time, starting at the top and stopping at the ankle area.  You should have the entire leg of the pantyhose in your hands.

Point your toe and bend your knee.  Once you have inserted your foot, gently pull the pantyhose up to your upper thigh.  Make sure you are pulling enough to ensure a tight fit, but not so much so that ripping or over stretching of the material occurs.

Once you have put your pantyhose on both legs, stand up and pull the panty portion up and over your rear.  Pull the elastic band up to your waist.  Make sure there is a comfortable, yet tight fit in the crotch area and around the butt cheeks.  A droopy crotch is not sexy!

5. Take a peek in the mirror and make any necessary adjustments. 

- If you are wearing stockings, make sure each stocking looks alike!
- If there are any folds at the knees or ankles, then your pantyhose need to be pulled up.  Elephant ankles are about as sexy as a droopy crotch! 
- If your garment has seems, check to see that they are as straight as possible.
- If you are wearing Cuban heeled stockings, make sure material covers the heel and back of the ankle.  They have a tendency to wrap around the foot, but will stay in place once adjusted.
- Make sure you feel sexy!

Washing Your Hosiery

1. Separate your hosiery by color as you would with clothing to avoid bleeding of dyes.  For example, washing black panty hose with nude stockings would make them look “dingy”.
2. It is best to hand wash hosiery in a sink with cold water and a mild detergent.  Never use hot water or bleach.  Special hosiery detergent is available, but not necessary.  However, you may want to use it if you have a special pair of vintage stockings.  They are usually made of 100% nylon, are extremely delicate and require lots of love.  
3. Simply swirl the hosiery around in the sink.  Do not rub the material together, as this will weaken it.
4. Do not wring or squeeze your hosiery.  This could stretch or tear the fibers.  After washing, gently roll your stockings or pantyhose in a towel on a flat surface.  This will remove the excess moisture.
5. Allow your hosiery to drip dry.  You can hang them from a hanger with clothes pins in any area that allows them enough room to dry.  You may also place towel over your shower curtain rod and lay your hosiery on top of it. 
6. If you must wash your hosiery in a washing machine, place it in a special bag made for machine washing delicate items.  Never dry your stockings and panty hose in a dryer!

The Fetish Fantasy Boa would be the perfect accessory for your bachelorette party.  As I have said before, pre-wedding parties seem to just be an excuse to act and dress in a manner that is obnoxious as possible.  Why not add a girly touch to your penis straws and tiara.  Stock up and pass them out to all of your gal pals.  They come in red, pink, purple, white and black.

If you have gotten lucky and don’t have to attend any weddings this year you can still get in on the feather boa action.  I use them frequently when performing, as have burlesque legends for years.  Give your boo a private burly-q show.  Use the boa to tease as you hide behind it while taking off your clothing.  They know you have just removed your top, but they don’t get to take a peek until the boa is moved.  Before or after your strip, you can simply move with the boa.  Wrap it around your shoulders and allow it to frame your upper body.  Hold it in front of you as you shimmy and let the feathers shake with you.  Just play!  There are tons of possibilities and you can get as creative as you wish.

So you have a bachelorette party to throw and you want to be a burlesque performer.  Check with your local burlesque show and find out if they offer classes!  There are tons of performers who hold workshops and offer special packages for parties.  I have taught a few and they are a blast for everyone involved.  So order your Fetish Fantasy Boas and gather your girls.  It’s time to party and learn how to strip!

So how did the burly-q show go?

Fabulous!  Tickets were sold out the day before the show, so no pressure.  Right.  Everyone in the troupe, including myself, was excited and eager.  We were a bit nervous knowing that we would be performing to a packed house with high expectations.  Did we disappoint?  Not even a little bit.  The hosts were hilarious, the band didn’t miss a beat and us dancing girls, well let’s just say we were on top of our game.  So, you get the point.  The show was a success, but you want details. 

The number: The Coffee Shop Girl

The voiceover begins as I am wiping down the counter.  My thoughts are heard: “The only thing that makes this job worth it is that hot guy that comes in here… He really grrrriiiinds my beans!”  (I know it’s corny, this is burlesque, people).  The voiceover continues and needless to say the hot guy enters.  He freezes, the other “customers” freeze and my coffee shop–striptease-fantasy begins.  It’s funny, it’s sexy, it’s fun for the whole family.  Okay, so maybe not the whole family. 

Anyhoo, speaking of successful sales, allow me to introduce you to one of our best sellers:  The Charmer.

The ridges to charm the G-spot.

Charmer Purple Haze is a dildo designed to hit the G-spot over and over as it’s worked in and out. Many people do not know how to find the G-spot.

Most G-spot toys on the market are 6 inches in length, this has lead people to think they are supposed to put the toy in all the way, and end up missing the mark. The urethral sponge is located 1 to 3 inches inside the vaginal opening, so the Charmers many ridges are a guaranteed hit!

1.4 inches x 6.8 inches

Tantus Inc. uses only the highest quality materials in the manufacture of their sex toys. These sex toys are an excellent choice for consumers who suffer allergies, or sensitivity to chemicals. Whether it is medical grade silicone or quality controlled, body safe and treated aluminum, you can be sure that the use of a Tantus sex toy is safe and healthy. For more information, see the interview with Metis Black from Tantus Inc. in the Sex Toys Blog.

Guaranteed to hit your G-spot?  I’m sold.

If Sandra Storm’s bright eyes and beautiful smile don’t get you grinning from ear to ear, then take a gander and those stems! She looks fabulous with those sexy seams running from her rear to her heel.

Are you in need of new hosiery? Check out our full selection on Sextoys.com. The Havana Pantyhose are one my favorite pairs!

Take a gander at the seriously sizzling moves of the devil’s temptress, Candy Barr! Don’t you just want to take a bite? Her hips are hypnotizing and her body is one of a kind! Yet another legend and another gem of a video from Something Weird. Enjoy!

Don’t forget to check out tomorrow’s edition of the Sunday Sex Toy Review at the Sextoys . com blog! Find out what Bill has to say about how you can save 20% on your sex toy purchase!