Of course I’m going to hop on my soap box and give you my opinion this one.  It just so happens to reside somewhere in that gray area: most of the time.  Tease and titillation intensifies the mood and in some cases can be more pleasurable than the actual act of getting it on.  For many women, working up to doing the deed can take some time.  There is no “I’m at work/I’m ready for naughtiness” switch for your mental state or your body.

WebMD quotes an icon in the world of sexual health, “It’s particularly important for women to have successful foreplay because it takes a woman a longer time [than a man] to get up to the level of arousal needed to orgasm,” says “Dr. Ruth” Westheimer, EdD, a psychosexual therapist, professor at New York University, and lecturer at Yale and Princeton universities.

A man can just think about sex and have an erection, but for most women, wanting sex is not enough, says Westheimer. Foreplay serves a physical and emotional purpose, helping prepare both mind and body for sex. Many women need to be kissed, hugged, and caressed to create lubrication in the vagina, which is important for comfortable intercourse.”

Dr. Ruth has been educating the masses in the ways of “sexual literacy” since before many of us were born.  She knows a thing or two about what goes down in the bedroom.

Foreplay can even be the main event.  You may think that the toys, oral sex and dirty talk will eventually lead to intercourse.  There is nothing wrong with extended play sessions without intercourse.  If you are hitting all of the right spots with everything except for what is in your pants; well that’s ok too.  

However, we are in fact hanging out in the gray area.  There are those times when a quickie is possible and necessary.  Sometimes you wake up and you’re ready to go.  No foreplay or pleasantries needed.  Maybe you’re expecting company and you need to take care of business.  Perhaps you have simply had hanky panky on your mind all day; you’re hot and bothered and ready to get right to the point.  Depending on the time off the month, you may be producing tons of estrogen and be feeling incredibly eager to do the mattress mambo.  No one says you have to light the candles and get a full body massage before it’s time to get down to brass tax.

When in doubt, ask.  It is always safe to start with a little foreplay.  Pay attention to body language.  Unless you know for sure your partner is up for a wham bam, a warm up is best.  Listen to Dr. Ruth, “foreplay serves a physical and emotional purpose, helping prepare both mind and body for sex.”  A vibrator or a little massage oil can get your evening going in all of the right directions.

Tags: Foreplay

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